She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
This is classic penis vs brain.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
