i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
