So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
