i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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