Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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