The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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