youre lurking in front of me
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
