Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
