'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
