I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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