no, he came in my armpit
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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