Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
