Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
