Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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