Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
