like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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