susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
