Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
