oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
