I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize