does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
