I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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