Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
