Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Boobs are out for the taking
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
