The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
