i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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