Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
