I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
