halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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