Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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