FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
