I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
