Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize