I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
