I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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