Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
