I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
