She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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