tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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