I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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