is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize