Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
