You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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