Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
