i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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