Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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