I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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