My pussy is not your playground.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
