First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
