I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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