i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
