If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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