Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my shit smells like andre
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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