I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
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