I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I AM VODKA MAN
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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