Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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