either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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