That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
