he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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