He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
