I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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