Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
