I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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