I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
