last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
