im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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