I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize