Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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