i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
