I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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