Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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