We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
