i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
