dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
