I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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