Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
