I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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