I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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