I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
