well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
