No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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