i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
