I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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