you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize