Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
How does one acquire holy water?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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