My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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