I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
