I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
