If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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