ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
